Archive for August, 2008
Fortey’s Guide to Unwholesome Deviancy - Online Edition!
Recently, it has come to my attention that the internet is all abustle with lasciviousness. “Gasp!” you may gasp, and clutch at your tender bosom. “What is this lasciviousness you speak of, Ian? Is it also licentious and lustful?” to which I might reply after a hearty twirl of my pubic [...]
21Aug2008 | Fortey | 3 comments | Continued
The Harder They Fall: 8.5 Former Box Office Goldmines
Remember when Jean Claude Van Damme was famous and people would pay real, negotiable currency to see his movies? Or Steven Seagal? Or Chuck Norris? Or Cher? Or everyone on this list? Me too.
Orson Welles
Arguably one of the greatest filmmakers of all time, Orson Welles gave the world Citizen Kane, Touch of Evil and [...]
Looking for Cumquats
It’s 3:34 in the morning as I write this and what better way to pass the time than to Google the word cumquat. Why cumquat? Why indeed. Google tells me the word cumquat has 1.1 million results. That’s a veritable pantload of citrusy webpages. But to put it in perspective, boobs get 72.3 million results [...]
20Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
Glory Days: Revisiting Scenic Anemia Radio
With all of the site recovery fun and games, writing something new hasn’t been much of a possibility. On the bright side, site reader Alphane Moon pointed us in the direction of a site where we were able to recover a few more posts. As awesome as that is, you’ve probably already [...]
11Aug2008 | Adam | 1 comment | Continued
The Fraudulent Friend Finder: Answering Online Personals
The internet has many purposes that do not involve sex, none of which matter for the purposes of this article. What does matter is that personal ads, which long were forced to the back of the local newspaper where hopeful perverts tried to find like-minded deviants to get together and masturbate off of bridges are [...]
11Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
Lawns of the Future: 9 Sci-Fi Lwn and Garden Tools
The future is happening all around us as we watch daytime TV or work for our sad paycheck that can barely buy us our weekly requirements of alcohol and hookers, let alone the flying cars that are being hurried down the line to make our lives more convenient/horribly dangerous. And now, to add insult to [...]
11Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
Entry Level Loser 4: The Idlewyld Inn
This installment comes grossly out of order as this job was, in fact, the job I had while I wrote the three previous entries in the Entry Level Loser series. In fact, it was the job I had right up until the day I wrote this entry. Follow me on a journey of hilarity.
For a variety [...]
Entry Level Loser: Best Value Family Restaurant
To begin, some background. I’m in my late 20’s, I live in a moderately sized Canadian city of around 350,000 people, I am university educated and I’m not horribly disfigured or afflicted with Tourette’s. In a crowd, I would not stand out and the police have never kicked my door in. I’m a typical dude [...]
11Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
How To Disappear Completely
You would think that deleting the entire contents of a website that has been up and running for over 8 months would be difficult. You’d be wrong. It’s really just as simple as having the idiot who takes care of the minor upgrade and technical issues (me) failing to back up a database [...]
10Aug2008 | Adam | 5 comments | Continued
If I had to guess, I'd say the toilet was previously soiled by Paul Simon.
As for the webcam, it just ...
"You need a clue",.... you misspelled "whether". Ha! And you seriously can't knock those free Russian porn ...
Yeah! I hate jazz! 
omfg mixed-raceprez!!!!!one!!!! 
Work? We'll have no part of that. Look for a glorious update from Fortey tomorrow. 
Hilarious. Well written.