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Websites About Which I Am Chagrined

Why doesn’t the internet seek to please me at all times? I don’t know. The result of the internet’s slothful inability to bend to my unspoken whims is a pantload of websites that make tiny muscles under the flesh of my face spasm in frustration and anger. There are so many preposterous [...]

3Sep2008 | Fortey | 6 comments | Continued
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A Fear of Hobos

So I have this fear of hobos. Some years ago I took it upon myself to head downtown at a totally unreasonable hour in the morning in the hopes of being first in line to get tickets to a concert that was in a town that’s about 160 miles away. It didn’t occur to me [...]

3Sep2008 | Fortey | 1 comment | Continued
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In Memoriam: My Grampa

In honour of Canada day, I am posting a little something about my late grand-father, a veteran of Wold War II with the Canadian forces. Update: Originally posted June 1st, 2008, prior to the site apocalypse.
My earliest memories of my grampa are of visiting the farm. I’d marvel from the backseat of my parent’s car [...]

3Sep2008 | Glenn | 0 comments | Continued
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The RimJob Obsession

I should be writing more content for this website, and reposting my old material. That one article about animals named by morons was hilarious. Hilarious! It was actually nominated for several web awards, I assume. And I heard that the girl Glenn lost his virginity to only engaged in coitus with [...]

1Sep2008 | Fortey | 4 comments | Continued
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Fortey’s Guide to Unwholesome Deviancy - Online Edition!

Recently, it has come to my attention that the internet is all abustle with lasciviousness. “Gasp!” you may gasp, and clutch at your tender bosom. “What is this lasciviousness you speak of, Ian? Is it also licentious and lustful?” to which I might reply after a hearty twirl of my pubic [...]

21Aug2008 | Fortey | 3 comments | Continued
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Looking for Cumquats

It’s 3:34 in the morning as I write this and what better way to pass the time than to Google the word cumquat. Why cumquat? Why indeed. Google tells me the word cumquat has 1.1 million results. That’s a veritable pantload of citrusy webpages. But to put it in perspective, boobs get 72.3 million results [...]

20Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
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The Fraudulent Friend Finder: Answering Online Personals

The internet has many purposes that do not involve sex, none of which matter for the purposes of this article. What does matter is that personal ads, which long were forced to the back of the local newspaper where hopeful perverts tried to find like-minded deviants to get together and masturbate off of bridges are [...]

11Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
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Entry Level Loser: Best Value Family Restaurant

To begin, some background. I’m in my late 20’s, I live in a moderately sized Canadian city of around 350,000 people, I am university educated and I’m not horribly disfigured or afflicted with Tourette’s. In a crowd, I would not stand out and the police have never kicked my door in. I’m a typical dude [...]

11Aug2008 | Fortey | 0 comments | Continued
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How To Disappear Completely

You would think that deleting the entire contents of a website that has been up and running for over 8 months would be difficult. You’d be wrong. It’s really just as simple as having the idiot who takes care of the minor upgrade and technical issues (me) failing to back up a database [...]

10Aug2008 | Adam | 5 comments | Continued
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The Dog Days of Summer: Why I Hate Television

Greetings. My name is Grady, known by my Scenic Anemia cohorts as G Money. I am the forgotten writer on this website, mostly because I don’t do squat besides dole out verbal bitch-slappings on our official forum. Lets just say I’ve been basking in the awesome glory which came as a result of giving Maxim [...]

8Jul2008 | Grady | 0 comments | Continued
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